Did you know that 30% of the men on dating sites are
really married? If you do the math, you’ll see you’re chances of being a homewrecker are close to 1 in 3!
You’d think a married man is easy to spot. But such is not always the case. One reason is that their excuses get better and better. They’re some pretty slick men out there. And they’ve been playing this game a long, long time.
Sadly, another reason they can get away with this is because many women see the signs, but in their hearts, they just don’t want to believe them. These women will ignore the advice of their friends, their family and even their own gut instinct. They accept his excuses because the truth is simply too heartbreaking.
That said, I have compiled the biggest, most important signs that the guy is either married or cheating on you. These signs are absolute show stoppers. You should be ready to bolt if you see any one of them.
SIGN #1: He Tells You He’s Married!
This sounds hard to believe but it happens all the time. You meet a great guy and he’s upfront that he has a wife. Or he tells you so only after a few dates. To keep you interested, he’ll claim he’s separated from her or getting a divorce. And so you’re impressed with his honesty. The problem is most of it’s a lie.
This is the cheater’s perfect cover story. He’ll tell you: “My wife’s crazy. She doesn’t understand me like you do.” Or “I’m separated and just waiting for the divorce papers.”
And so you’re the women on standby. (All the time.) It’s a great excuse to keep you hanging on while he does whatever he likes to do. And meanwhile he’s still married and dating every woman in town.
He can’t see you right away? It’s the wife’s fault of course. He’ll say something about the children and custody and anything else he can think of. And you’ll hate his wife for being so cruel and unreasonable, even when none of it’s true.
And if it’s all true, you just married his wife. Your highs and your lows, now all depend on a strange woman you never even met.
What If I Want To See Him Anyway?
If you’re determined to see him before the divorce is final, make him at least show you the proof he filed for divorce. Anyone who’s in the middle of a divorce should at least have the court papers. And be sure it includes a case filing number along with his name. Better yet, tell him “sayonara” until after he’s really divorced. And have him mail you the divorce certificate.
Sign #2: A Tan Line On His Ring Finger
The tan line or indentation on his ring finger is a dead give away
that your man belongs to someone else.
Ask him point blank “You’re married aren’t you?” RUN no matter what he says. There’s no good outcome here. Either he’s married with no intention of divorcing his wife; or he just decided “not to be married” and you’re the rebound girl he can use until he gets his act together. This guy is bad news. Wait for his divorce certificate.
Sign #3: He Never Invites You Home (Or It’s Very Rare)
So, he’ a traveling salesman; the home is under construction; he’s embarrassed how messy it is; his house has bad memories for him; or he likes your place so much better.
If he doesn’t invite you in, dump him! And if he rarely invites you, drive by his house and stop by unexpectedly. Bring a cute gift for cover!
Is he nervous when you drop in? Does he have tampons under the sink? Is the toilet seat down? Does he even let you in? Take a look around the place for signs of another woman.
Sign #4: He Pays Only In Cash
Sure. He hates debt. He has bad credit. He got mugged and lost his debit card, or he’s an importer exporter with lots of cash on hand. OK. But just maybe, he doesn’t want you to see his real name. Or for his wife to see the strange bills on his credit cards!
To verify his name, playfully show him your photo ID and ask to see his too. Later Google him based on his full name, age ,state and county where the ID was issued. And don’t forget to do likewise with his address.
In casual conversation, ask him the names of his relatives. Does he have brothers or sisters or an ex wife? Get a few names if you can, and Google them in the same search with his name. For more on how to background him, See The Sleuth For The Truth Video Google Like A Pro.
Sign #5: He’s Never Available On Weekends & Holidays
(Every Date Is At The Very Last Minute)
This is sure sign he’s married. But even on the off chance he isn’t, you’re still second fiddle. Sometimes he’ll actually make a date with you to show he can commit, but then has to cancel it as something else came up. If there’s really no wife and kids, (hard to believe) you can bet he’s still playing the field. The colorful excuses don’t matter. The reality is he’s committed to other people and you come in last. They get him during prime time. You get the 3 AM slot.
Sign #6: He Never Introduces You To His Family, Friends, Colleagues or Children. Or you meet only a select group of such.
Loose lips sink ships. He’s either a sociopath with no connections, or he’s leading a double life where he doesn’t want you to know about them. And he certainly doesn’t want them to know about you. At best you’re the black sheep, a lapse in discretion, an embarrassment. At worst, he’s a married man and you’re his unwitting adulteress.
Sign #7: He Avoids Seeing You In Public Places
(Or Certain Public Places)
Instead, he prefers going out with you to remote places, or he always wants to stay inside and just be with you alone. Another twist: When he goes out with you, it’s always with group of other people so it looks casual or like you’re just one of the gang.
Watch out if he hates public displays of affection or feels uncomfortable when you suddenly snap a photo of you two together. Yet in private, he’s a different man: He’s affectionate, passionate and really digs you!
This is a man who’ s definitely hiding something. A man who for some reason is afraid to be seen with you. Forget his excuses. What’s the pattern here?
Sign #8: You Only Get To See Him When He Wants You To
Cheaters have busy lives and they hates surprises. You are the outsider, his secret life, the person he must squeeze in among his existing obligations and commitments. Your impromptu call for a surprise date will go unanswered or it will be put off till later. Or he may agree only to suddenly cancel. You call him but never seem to get him. (The pattern is that he always has to call you back.)
Look out for his inability to commit in advance or his constant canceling of your plans together. (Every guy knows not to cancel on your birthday.) If your meetings always have to be prearranged and have strict time frames, this too is a bad sign.
Sign #9: Weird Phone Habits
The examples below show he’s sneaky or concealing something:
- He’s Talking or Texting You and It Abruptly Ends (The wife may have walked in)
- He Never Picks Up Your Calls in the Morning or After Work (He always has to call back later)
- Never Answers His Phone in Front of You but does look at who’s calling (could be the wife or another girlfriend)
- Your Name & Phone # is Not in His Cell Phone or, Your Number Shows Up on His Phone as “Office” or with a Name Not Yours.
- His Voicemails To You Are Overly Formal and Super Professional
(for example, he calls you by first and last name, or the message never reveals any intimacy such as why he’s calling).
- He Has Several phones, or Cell #s, which he won’t give to you.
Sign #10: He Never Talks About His Family Or Prior Relationships
He’s a blank slate with no past. After all, the less you know, the fewer lies he has to tell. And with the names of his relatives, you could find out he’s really married! Tactfully bring up your family and prior relationships and ask him about his own. Does he squirm? Does he change the subject or look uncomfortable? Any guy who won’t open up is dangerous, even without a wife and kids.
Sign#11: He Pretends To Be Such A Super Dad
(So He Never Has Time To See You except when he wants a quickie)
Is he always breaking dates because of his little girl’s dance recitals? Or is he always helping her with homework or dealing with family emergencies? Shame on you for being upset. How dare you be suspicious! What a good dad he is!
But the real reason he can’t see you is because he has a wife or another woman on the side. Being the superdad is a perfect excuse. If the man cares for you, he’ll make the time for both you AND his family. He did it once before when he got married. He can do it again. Unless of course, it’s all just a smokescreen for him while he tends to his wife or plays the field.
Sign 12: He Won’t Friend You On Facebook
Not everyone has a Facebook page. But most people do.
And it’s a real danger sign if you’re dating him and he won’t accept your friend request. He’ll give you some excuse that his Facebook page is only for family or for business or only for his class reunion friends.
But what’s he hiding? A family? A double life? Is he afraid you’ll tag him in a photo of you and him in a romantic setting? Or are you just not that important to him? Men should be proud of their dates. If he’s serious about you, he will want to show you off to others. I’m sure he’s has plenty of excuses. Do you believe them?
Sign 13: He Immediately Takes A Shower When He Gets Home
Some men just like being clean. Others don’t want you seeing strange hairs or smelling another woman’s perfume. If the shower thing is new, watch out!
Sign #14: He Fails The Smell Test
Trust Your Gut. Trust Your Girlfriend’s Gut. If you’ve come across any of these signs, you can bet he’s got a wife or other girlfriends. You are the side dish, not the main course. He might be able to explain away some of this sneaky, flaky, wacky and erratic behavior. But if you believe it all, perhaps you just don’t want to know the truth about him.
Sleuth For The Truth Videos (YouTube)
Learn how to do your own background checks.
Free Background Checks (Consumer-SOS)
Find the free links to find out if someone is telling the truth about their criminal records, their age, their property, their name, who they live with and sometimes, even if they’re married.
Free Georgia Background Checks (Consumer-SOS-Georgia)
Same as above but specific to the state of Georgia.